At exactly 3:00 a.m., when the world was quiet and peaceful, Oliver the cat suddenly remembered… he had never run fast in his entire life.
This realization hit him like lightning.
He launched off the bed like a furry rocket, accidentally stepping on his human’s face on the way out. The human woke up confused, whispering, “Why… why are you like this?”
Oliver didn’t answer. He was busy.
First lap: hallway.
Second lap: living room.
Third lap: up the sofa, across the backrest, onto a shelf—knocking down a plant for dramatic effect.
He paused.
The plant looked at him (metaphorically).
He looked at the plant.
“Gravity did that,” Oliver decided.
Then came Phase Two: invisible enemy combat.
He puffed up, sideways-hopped across the room like a tiny crab, and attacked… absolutely nothing. The invisible enemy fought bravely (it didn’t), but Oliver was victorious (obviously).
Finally, after 7 minutes of Olympic-level chaos, he returned to the bedroom.
He jumped back onto the bed, circled twice, and curled up like an angel.
Within seconds—asleep.
The human stared at him in the dark.
“…You good?”
Oliver, now a peaceful loaf, had no memory of his crimes.
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